You have heard it from doctors. From family members. From well-meaning friends who watched you cancel plans again. Maybe you have even said it to yourself.
“It’s just stress.”
And every time you hear it, something tightens — not just in your gut, but somewhere deeper. Because it sounds like: it is not real. It is your fault. If you just calmed down, you would be fine.
Here is what is actually true, and how to respond to the people who say it.
What “Just Stress” Gets Right — and Catastrophically Wrong
The people who say this are not entirely wrong. Psychological and physiological stress does play a central role in IBS. The gut-brain axis is real, and the relationship between stress and gut symptoms is well-documented and mechanistically understood (Rao & Gershon, 2016).
Where “just stress” goes wrong is the word just. As if stress were a minor, voluntary, easily addressed experience. As if telling someone their suffering is stress-related is the same as offering them a path to relief. As if the nervous system dysregulation, visceral hypersensitivity, altered gut motility, HPA axis changes, and potential microbiome disruption involved in IBS are somehow less real because stress is part of the picture.
Stress is not a small thing, and IBS is not a small thing, and the two being related does not diminish either.
For the Doctor Who Says It
If a clinician has dismissed your symptoms as “just stress” without offering any path forward, you are entitled to ask: “What specifically do you recommend for the stress-related component of IBS? Are you familiar with gut-directed CBT or gut-directed hypnotherapy? Can you refer me to someone who specializes in gut-brain disorders?”
These questions accomplish two things. They communicate that you understand the gut-brain connection and take it seriously — which is different from being told it dismissively. And they move the conversation toward what can actually be done, rather than leaving it as an explanation that ends the inquiry.
For the Family Member or Friend Who Says It
For someone you are close to, a direct but non-defensive response tends to work better than an argument: “You are actually right that stress is involved — IBS is a gut-brain condition, which means stress and the nervous system are part of it. But that does not mean it is simple or easy to manage, and it does not mean it is my fault. What I need from you is not a diagnosis. Just understanding.”
This framing acknowledges the partial truth in what they said, corrects the dismissive framing, and redirects toward what you actually need from the relationship. Most people, when they say “it’s just stress,” are trying to offer an explanation that feels comforting — they do not realize it lands as minimization.
For the Voice Inside Your Own Head
This one is worth addressing separately, because it is often the loudest and most damaging.
If you find yourself using “just stress” against yourself — as evidence that your symptoms are your fault, that you should be able to control them, that stronger or more resilient people do not have this problem — please hear this clearly: that self-directed dismissal is itself a stressor on the gut-brain axis. Self-criticism and shame activate the same HPA axis pathways as external threat. The voice that tells you your IBS is a personal failing is not helping you manage it. It is making it worse.
The research on self-compassion and chronic symptom severity consistently finds that how we relate to our own suffering affects how intensely we experience it (Neff & Germer, 2013). Treating yourself with the same understanding you would offer a good friend — acknowledging that this is genuinely hard, and that you are doing your best with a complicated condition — is not weakness. It is part of the treatment.
About the author
Susan Liddy, MAMFT is a GI Psychotherapist and doctoral candidate in Integrative Health, specializing in nervous system-informed care for IBS and disorders of gut-brain interaction. Georgia residents are welcome to schedule a free consultation at www.susanliddy.com.
For educational purposes only. Not medical or psychological advice. Susan Liddy, MAMFT
References
Neff, K. D., & Germer, C. K. (2013). A pilot study and randomized controlled trial of the mindful self-compassion program. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 69(1), 28–44. https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.21923
Rao, M., & Gershon, M. D. (2016). The bowel and beyond: The enteric nervous system in neurological disorders. Nature Reviews Gastroenterology & Hepatology, 13(9), 517–528. https://doi.org/10.1038/nrgastro.2016.107
